Christian advice on dating an older man
I really needed his presence, and he totally came and met me.”Put a ring on it, right?Actually, what this woman described is a pretty common occurrence in evangelical circles like the one I grew up in — circles where dating is rare and sexual purity is paramount.Just like how you’ve dated your share of challenging types of men like the disappearing/reappearing Pinger, the Couch Potato, and the older-and-balder-than-his-profile-guy…men meet and enter into relationships with less-than-impressive types of women.I’ve talked to countless single men over the years about their experiences with women, especially those in midlife and beyond.Yearning for a relationship and social fulfillment, but paralyzed by a tyranny of unattainable standards, she distracts herself with a pseudo-romance that she can share with her entire community.
But to find real, carnal love would mean opening up to an actual human being who doesn’t always heap unconditional love over their heads — or know the deepest fears and insecurities they harbor.
At 22, I could be found standing in a softly lit room full of other angsty Evangelicals, swaying, kneeling, perhaps crying lightly, and all singing, “Jesus, Love of my soul, Jesus, I will never let you go…
I love you, I need you, though my world may fall, I’ll never let you go.”Both men and women were encouraged to explore those feelings — to ask Jesus to show us His love, and to respond with words, tears, or perhaps even a dance. For us ladies, there was an added component; we were encouraged to turn away from the lurid and degrading portrayals so common in the dominant, MTV-inspired culture, and to find self-worth in the church’s paradigm of womanhood.
After all, God doesn’t ignore you when the NBA is on.
For me, having an actual boyfriend has meant dismantling many of the constructs I lived with for years.
In other words, to see ourselves as Jesus saw us: in Christian-ese, as “Daughters of the King.”But there’s a tiny hang-up in this idealized world of swashbuckling romantic ideals: Mr. After all, as our relationships with Jesus got deeper and deeper, our standards for future IRL relationships were getting more and more out of touch with reality.