Feminism and dating

15-Jul-2020 07:02

They said I was splitting hairs by reconsidering relationships over things like this.When a guy groped me in a park on a first date, a friend recommended I give him a chance because it could’ve been a misunderstanding. I ignored my nagging feeling that I wasn’t getting what I wanted, believing that would be too much to ask. I decided that if being in a relationship required hiding my feminism and putting up with sexism, I’d rather just be single.And that’s how I learned how many people have a bone to pick with feminism.My inbox filled with messages like: “Do you not like boys? ” “Feminism ignores the oppression that’s been imposed on men for centuries.”I ended up on dates with seemingly progressive people who made comments like “well, men oppressive.”People told me I shouldn’t be too picky.Feminism has done a lot of good—for you, me, all the women you know and don’t know. Sure, we talked about them, but they were more like attractions than people I had relationships with. But there’s one area where feminism has not served me well. In the movies, TV shows, general cultural messages, men were by and large aggressive, incorrigible boors. I wore a uniform, no makeup, and had not an ounce of concern for boys, as they were not on my radar, and not deemed central to my life in any real way.Beings I’d ogle and wonder at from the stands of a high school football game or at a dance. As students of Oak Knoll High School, we weren’t just students.

I won’t feel obligated to date someone just because they’re “nice.”5.

Because it meant I’d have to “lose” it—to someone who would take it from me. And you know, if that’s the price to pay for the incredible strides, I’ll take it.

This is the worst metaphor ever–that’s what we need to lose! I certainly don’t regret how feminism has served me: I’ve learned to be aggressive, tough, resilient, and have had many successes in my life as a result. I’m also recognizing that I swung really hard in one direction and am gradually finding my way back to a more balanced state.

When I met my current partner, I decided I’d rather risk things not working out over my feminism than compromise it.

I told him feminism was important to me in the beginning, and I made a promise to look out for myself and not put up with certain things.

I won’t hide my feminism to get someone to like me.

Because of all that I’ve seen couples who got divorced, even when there were kids involved.… continue reading »

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