How to become more confident in dating
In my head I see what I’m doing, but I have been unable to change this flaw of mine, even though I know it’s happening. JDate promised me that I was to be the editor-in-chief and advice columnist at JMag. Just me, trying to wrangle something amazing out of piecemeal resources. Because you can be the PERFECT girlfriend to the WRONG guy and there’s NOTHING you can do to salvage the relationship.
And you can be an AWFUL girlfriend to another guy, and the relationship may persist. The point is, Kelly, that there’s no magic formula to teach you exactly what to say and do in the context of a relationship to avoid being needy and clingy.
I was once a very foolish little lady and I know I’m not alone. My desperation did somehow result in a relationship and from there, chaos ensued.
Now this isn’t gonna be a tale about how I wanted it and it didn’t happen and then when I stopped wanting it, it did.
It doesn’t matter what other people think of you, it’s the thoughts you have about yourself that makes all the difference.
If you want to be more confident, then make a list that details what confidence looks like and act accordingly.
BUT, I could relate to the clinginess in relationships. I constantly go back to it on your website, and I’m glad you included it in your book. Obviously, the message in “Why He Disappeared” can’t apply in equal measure to every unique woman who’s read it, but I’m glad you saw enough universal truth that fits your situation. I was hired to create a magazine for JDate back in 2005. Finally, I was coming in 1 day a week to work on JMag. I may be able to get hired based on my resume, intelligence and work ethic, but if I were really to ascend in a corporate environment, I’d have to do a LOT better at those tasks. You don’t succeed because you’re cute, smart, successful, and fun.
I tend to be the confident, self-assured woman in the dating process, but once I begin the courtship/relationship phase, I become unconfident and clingy. It was called JMag and it was to be patterned after Match.com’s Happen Magazine, where I was a contributor. I had no paid writers, no dedicated graphic designers. I complained to anyone who would listen that JMag was underfunded and underappreciated. Less talented people who knew those things are already at the top of the totem pole. You succeed because you make a good choice in a partner AND because you know how to deal in relating to that partner. Getting the RIGHT guy and making the RIGHT decisions is what determines whether you have a future.
So while my IMPULSE might be to complain that my magazine was not getting the proper resources, my ACTION would be to remain appreciative and try to illustrate how content can better drive traffic and create revenue. If you know that you scare guys off with your intensity, the only answer is to STOP BEING SO INTENSE. You may still be the intense questioner who wants to lock down her boyfriend for life the instant you feel a lapse in your connection…I am a confident person and I will be satisfied if this guy responds to me but it won’t effect me if he doesn’t.’ It may feel weird, or maybe like you’re being delusional, but trust me, in time, you will no longer be acting like a confident person, you will become one.