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What makes online dating so frustrating isn’t the exaggeration, it’s that you’re participating in a depressing hierarchy of desirability — a daisy chain of quiet rejection. We have the luxury of being less goal-oriented, the same way we’ve learned to be about sex.You spend part of your time trying to recover from, and make sense of, all these potentially lovely people who won’t give you the time of day, then the rest flicking off people in whom you have no interest. In theory, though, it should at least be less uncomfortably urgent for those of us of a certain age: somewhere between the first biological clock (gotta reproduce! We can treat the process itself — the search, the exchange of messages, the one-off dinners — as intellectually intriguing, diverting, amusing, and perhaps even a path toward self-knowledge.Some men, I’m led to understand, lack the gift of gab when they send a message to someone who has caught their eye.One woman comments dryly that a typical message consists, in its entirety, of “Hi, their!The news and editorial departments of the Boston Globe had no role in its production or display.It was when the first woman with whom I had exchanged messages invited me to give her a call that I suddenly realized just how screwy and contrived online dating really is.
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”How women present themselves is a topic about which I can speak more knowledgeably.