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No matter how badly he treats you, he believes that your voice shouldn’t rise and your blood shouldn’t boil. When your anger does jump out of you—as will happen to any abused woman from time to time—he is likely to try to jam it back down your throat as quickly as he can.
Then he uses your anger against you to prove what an irrational person you are. You may develop physical or emotional reactions to swallowing your anger, such as depression, nightmares, emotional numbing, or eating and sleeping problems, which your partner may use as an excuse to belittle you further or make you feel crazy.” ― “Has he ever trapped you in a room and not let you out?
I need to get a better grip.” I always correct him: "Your problem is not that you lose control of yourself, it’s that you take control of your partner. It’s considered a weakness, which acts as an invitation for more mistreatment. But she's wearing these dark glassesin the kitchen at ten o'clockin the morning - everything nice -as she watches me break offa piece, bring it to my mouth,and blow on it. I fork the pie inand tell myself to stay out of it. No waycould it be worse.” ― “What are you going to do? So raw and unleashed, it tears away the veil of civilization that comes between us as much as it makes life possible.
In order to change, you don’t need to gain control over yourself, you need to let go of control of her.” ― “In a healthy relationship, vulnerability is wonderful. When a healthy person realizes that he or she hurt you, they feel remorse and they make amends. Abusive people feel a surge of power when they discover a weakness. Crying or complaining confirms that they’ve poked you in the right spot.” ― “My father was one of those men who sit in a room and you can feel it: the simmer, the sense of some unpredictable force that might, at any moment, break loose, and do something terrible. 27]” ― tags: abuse, catalan-writer, catalan-writers, courage, dignity, dignity-for-survival, dignity-of-women, domestic-abuse, domestic-violence, double-standard, dv, eye-opening, feminism, freedom, gender, gender-inequality, hypocrisy, identity, insecurity, integrity, leave-home, leave-the-past, misogyny, nuria-ano, pain, painfully, realism, reason, relationship, self-awareness, self-determination, spanish-writer, spanish-writers, strength, woman, womanhood, women, women-s-day, women-s-rights, women-writers tags: abuse, abuse-survivors, abuser, belie, belief-system, captivity, complex-ptsd, core-beliefs, domestic-violence, healing, healing-from-abuse, healing-insights, intimate-partner-violence, perpetrator, powerless, powerlessness, prisoner, ptsd, recovery-from-abuse, stockholm-syndrome, survivors, trauma, traumatic-stress, victim “She serves me a piece of it a few minutesout of the oven. A poor substitute for the sort of passion we like to extol perhaps, but real love shares more in common with hatred and rage than it does with geniality or politeness.” ― “Today I wore a pair of faded old jeans and a plain grey baggy shirt.
He’ll get severely depressed, causing her to worry whether he’ll be all right.
And, depending on what style of abuser he is, she may know that he will become dangerous when she tries to leave him. I feel utterly powerless, and that feeling is my prision.
They have many good qualities, including times of kindness, warmth, and humor, especially in the early period of a relationship. He may have a successful work life and have no problems with drugs or alcohol.
They dream of flying cars, or humanoid robots, of populated cities on Mars. Maybe before we try to keep turning our world into an episode of The Jetsons, we should focus more on the problems that are surprisingly being overlooked now more than ever.
Before we design another stupid cell phone or build a flying car, let's put a stop to racism, to sexism, to homophobia, to war.
He may simply not fit anyone’s image of a cruel or intimidating person.
So when a woman feels her relationship spinning out of control, it is unlikely to occur to her that her partner is an abuser.” ― “It is fine to commiserate with a man about his bad experience with a previous partner, but the instant he uses her as an excuse to mistreat you, stop believing anything he tells you about that relationship and instead recognize it as a sign that he has problems with relating to women.” ― “The guarantee of safety in a battering relationship can never be based upon a promise from the perpetrator, no matter how heartfelt.Friends say: “He treats you that way because he can get away with it.