Scary internet dating stories
When I met him at the bar he proceeded to tell me that 1) If we became a couple I would only be allowed to wear my Yankees hats/shirts when I was home visiting my family; never around him; 2)I should not expect him to talk to me while he was watching Redsox games on TV; and 3) we could not get married in October because he needed to keep the post-season available for any potential Redsox trips to the World Series. My first words on our date were: ‘Pardon me, but are you pregnant?• My online date was eight-and-a-half months pregnant. ’ A gay friend of hers, it turns out, had inseminated her with a turkey baster, or so she said.For dinner, we went to Ikea for a platter of Swedish meatballs. I explained, nicely, why it bugged me, and he said he was glad he found out early how ugly I was on the inside. As we were sitting outside of the coffee shop enjoying some nice conversation he told me how he was working on writing some music.He then proceeded to sing, very loudly, his current endeavor in song writing.The Strange • After we had sex, she told a story about her marine biology internship and about a pack of manatees they once found in the water off Key West.She really loved manatees, and eventually she jumped from her boat into the water and landed on a manatee.Since we gathered a truly huge pile of data from our online dating survey, we’ve published advice about how to improve online dating for everyone, for folks who date men and folks who date women. And then, in a small section towards the end, some of them are .
I kept making, “oh that’s nice,” “okay,” sort of comments and he just kept singing louder and louder. When I got home, I had an e-mail from him saying that we didn’t have any “chemistry.” Chemistry, really? It was the only thing he talked about, no exaggeration, for 70% of the date.
If you’re not up for reading about that today, you should take a pass.
But we think we’d be remiss not to include the dark and very real amongst the wacky and bizarre.
When I asked what she was doing on a blind date when she was going to give birth in two weeks she said: ‘The baby has me; I want someone.’ • A poet offered to pick me up for dinner and a movie.
I accepted, and that’s where everything went wrong. The movie was one of those free movies-in-the-park, and it just so happened to be Spongebob Squarepants and the park was full of children. On top of that, he only packed a very small blanket and asked why I hadn’t brought a blanket for myself (um, because I thought we were going to a theater? • A guy said how great it was that I was a “mommy,” and when I explained that I was more a mom than a mommy, and a bit about my parenting philosophy about trying to make my then-young son more independent, he corrected me. “That’s the gift you got when you had your son.” Not only was he totally infantilizing me with his gross Ronny Reagan virgin-mother bullshit, and presuming to explain for me my place in the world (without having met me) but he wasn’t fucking listening.
But the manatee was actually dead, and the body ended up falling apart and she was covered in dead manatee slime and someone had to fish her out and clean her up.