Taking dating to the next level
At it’s core, a cold approach is just starting a conversation with someone.
There is fundamentally no difference between approaching a stranger at a bar and starting a brief conversation with the person in front of you when you’re in line for your daily latte at Starbucks.
However, while you can’t cut down the total amount of time it takes to get better at a skill – particularly the skills involved in dating – you can spend that time more efficiently.
In my case, if I wanted to practice, I had to go get gussied up, maybe get ahold of some of my friends or regular wingmen and head out to the bars.
This is why one of the things I advise people who deal with approach anxiety is to simply start by going up to people and asking them for the time.
Once you’re used to asking for the time, you start pretending to be a tourist in your own town and ask for directions.
If you’re going to try to improve at basketball, you run drills, you take shots, you work on your hustle. Now it makes sense that – especially at the time – if I wanted to get good at picking up girls and bars, then I needed to spend time picking up girls in bars.
Part of what slows us down when we’re learning how to date – or want to date better – is that we tend to focus on the wrong things.
Once you understand that, you’re in a position to learn those skills far faster than you ever realized.