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As I tell her about it, I start to realize how ridiculous I must have sounded the entire evening. I confess that I showed up thinking my dates would be the story, but the real narrative was my realization of how exceptionally uninteresting I must have sounded to these guys.
We chat for a few minutes about how he’s lived in the city for over a decade, so he knows it pretty well. We pause for a moment and look at each other as we let the song play out. I decide this is the perfect opportunity to tell him about my recent trip to Budapest, which I know isn’t really all that close to Ukraine, but of course, I’d love to visit Ukraine one day if I ever have the chance because it seems like a beautiful country and of course, I loved every moment of my time in Eastern Europe this summer. This is the moment I realize I’m going to be talking to myself for the entirety of the next five minutes.When I tell her about the “I love to eat” debacle, she can’t stop laughing.What Dates One through Seven didn’t know about me — what I never bothered to tell them — is that I have a veritable army of food allergies, meaning I don’t exactly qualify as a typical foodie.He asks me if I’m into comedy, at which point we both quote John Mulaney’s famous sketch about getting lost in New York: go to more comedy shows and there are so many in the city and really it’s quite cheap if you know where to look.
I’m talking a lot, but truthfully I’m quite ready to be done with this and retreat back to my phone screen, where I can swipe away in silence without having to invent lame hobbies for myself. Exhausted, I start venting to my roommate the moment I walk through the door.I am a sophisticated Single Professional, and I intend to get my money’s worth.