Letting things & people be without the need to change them is not something the narc can do.
The hunt for validation is an obsession for the narcissist. It’s therefore unsurprising that pursuing substantiation of being such a mythical being is fraught with difficulties that cannot be resolved. This need to allocate people, things, and events into one of the two extremes due to the inability to intellectually integrate both negative and positive qualities in the one entity, is referred to as splitting (for more on splitting read From ‘soul mate’ to worthless: What’s behind the narcissist’s 180? Obviously, the pathological narcissist allocates themselves to the all good/perfect category.To handle these inconveniences, during the genesis of their disorder, the pathological narcissist divided the world into two extremes: the good and the bad. And those who validate this view are of value to the narc, often idealised.However, anyone who does not support this view is rejected, devalued and assigned the ‘all bad’ label.Rather, it has everything to do with them as a person. To protect themselves from facing the reality of their true selves, the narcissist creates a mask, their ‘false-selves’, which is all about being beyond reproach.
Maintaining their fragile make-believe world depends on reinforcing beliefs held that they are ‘perfect’.
This article is the first instalment in a two-part series on invalidation and narcissism.